Feeling Overwhelmed (cont.)

I didn't get to TLCC2018, but this is such an important conversation topic. The longer we stay in the arts (I've been here 11 years now) and the more responsibility we take on, the bigger and more overwhelming it can feel. How do you get headspace? How do you hang in there if you have a team depending on you as well? How do you switch off for loved ones at home?

And that's just the questions I wrestle with. If anyone has any good resources or recommendations on this topic - could be books, practices, etc. - I'd be really interested in hearing how people manage themselves.

Like Matt, I wasn't at TLCC either but I saw the thread you mentioned Heath, and I thought it was amazing. Kudos to Chelsea for starting it and to everyone who contributed - and to you for keeping it going here! These conversations are SO important.

I've been in the arts eight years now and it always manages to both inspire and concern me how much people give of themselves to this community. We believe in our orgs and our mission so much, and we all want to give and to muck-in with everyone to get the great stuff done, which is awesome - but often we put ourselves on the line in the process! Finding the balance is hard, but important - and these discussions are a big part of that. I have a chronic illness, and I've found it a real struggle at times. What helped me was speaking to my managers about my challenges, which ultimately lead me to change roles, and then move to 4 days a week. It's been the best decision, and I feel very grateful to be part of a team that allows and supports that. 

I think we all struggle with telling people "I need a break" or "I need time out" - we feel like we're letting our teams down, right? If everyone around me is giving 110%, why should I be able to turn it down to 80 for a while? Rest is important though - ask any athlete, they don't train every day. Rest is a key part of their preparation and it enables them to be their best. We should all try to think of rest that way: it's not a "cop out", it helps me perform at my best. I think as individuals and organisations we can certainly try to get better at encouraging and supporting each other to actively book in rest periods around our busy times so we don't burn out. Easier said than done I know! :-)

That's very true.  Running at less than 100% is important for innovation and growth. Downtime is really team growth and consolidation time that is very beneficial for the business.

Destigmatising is the most important work to do with regards to metal health wellness. Being able to be open at work and home is a great start for people to look out for you and ask for help.

Working with depression and anxiety can be difficult. Exercise is universally acknowledged as important in their management.  I was running 20 mins daily at work when I was at peak anxiety and it helped refocus when I was in those stages of being unable to hold a thought.  It is also a good way of getting rid of that extra energy.  It's equally good for mood management when you have depression but building up the motivation can be difficult when you're depressed. Therapy helped a lot with depression and asking around is the best way to get a good therapist. Matt Haig's book "Reasons to Stay Alive" is a great read - quite biographical on his struggles.

Super important is having coverage in your role.  I'm Tess admin, Data Analysis and the Ticketing Department at work.  We are a small organisation and I'm the only one here that has the skills and knowledge of my role in the organisation.  So taking time off without being oncall is a difficult balancing act and can't be for any extended amount of time.  Also the breadth of my role means that a lot of the time I'm working long hours at 100%. Having an open communication with my boss is the only way that we can grow the role to suit the business needs without killing me in the process. 

I am finding that it's not an easy task to remove the stigma associated with mental illness. Or even, to have some compassion for those that do struggle with it. We don't treat it like a broken bone or a car accident. People get judgmental. They start to overload you with advice instead of listening or understanding. 

That is why I am so grateful for this conversation because I know that I will find ways to treat my mental illness, but my disorder is much like my shadow; it's always there. And sometimes that shadows follows my every move. And sometimes I capture that shadow and I'm the boss. When people find out about my disorder, they start to make judgments (whether good or bad) and then they start to change their words or actions. Whether it's through constant advice, or "just be happy", or even on a professional level, how can leadership make sure I'm still professional enough... 

One of the best resources that the Arts Wellbeing Collective provided on their website is how to communicate to leadership about what's going (and vice versa). 

Another difficult task is making sure that as we attempt to remove the judgments and stigma is to really truly try to comprehend and have compassion for what these disorders all mean. What is depression? What is bipolar disorder? It's not just someone going through stress. It's a chemical imbalance that is sometimes fed by experiences. 

Moreover, I couldn't believe the amount of support I received from the Tessitura community. Though I know how difficult it can be to go through what it is we go through, I am comforted to know I am not alone. It's such a welcome relief knowing that I can speak honestly and openly (as much I choose to disclose). 

And here I am. 

How do I manage? Sometimes I fake it til I make it. And what is making it exactly? Not sure. I think I'll know when I see it. It's tough because I know my life is pretty good right now from the outside looking in. And I am incredibly happy with the progress I've made. But something is still always there. And right now, I do my best. And sometimes my best is 100% and sometimes it's 13%. 

But ultimately, I know that I'm okay if I haven't completely given up. I also make sure to have a few cheerleaders in my corner. And sometimes those cheerleaders just keep quiet because when you're in the deep end you sometimes don't listen to the advice of the lifeguard. And sometimes you just gotta get yourself a lifeguard. I have a hard time asking for help or reaching out because I always felt like I failed or that I was weak and that it was something that I had to fix alone. But I am not alone. 

On another note... 

Every year I do a personal fundraiser for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. They also host a walk called ‘Out of the Darkness’ on September 15, in Liberty Park. I will be walking again this year and would be grateful to have anyone who might be interested in finding a walk near you or donating to the cause.

Here is a link to my page: https://afsp.donordrive.com/participant/1613336

Well said, Chelsea!  I agree that 'making it'  is very much an know it when I see it. :)

I'm not in arts, we are a zoo, so we have a different cycle. I haven't figured out when the off season is. Although when we open a new exhibit, it's very much like Opening Night. (My part time gig is at a theatre, and that was what my former full time gig was.)

In my last job, I was open with my supervisor about having mental illness, as I hoped it would lead to her being more understanding about needing to take a longer lunch because I had a appointment with a counselor, etc. However, it turned into a situation where if I were having a cranky day (as we all do sometimes) she would go to my office mate and say "Oh, is she off her meds?" Which was wildly inappropriate and awful. Obviously, I no longer work there. My current position has a wonderful, supportive team, but I will never be that open with a supervisor again. 

I have now just given myself permission to use my "flex" days once a month or so, and I don't make up a reason, I just say to my boss that I'm booking a personal day or vacation day. I don't say it's for stress or mental health, nor do I say I have an appointment/sick/etc. It's a small thing, but very freeing. 

Also, I have a great co-worker who keeps me laughing - that helps. When I was going through a very stressful time, every day at the end of the day she'd say: "See you tomorrow... you are coming back tomorrow, right?" Which would make me laugh, and end the day on an up-note.

Wow that sounds like a really tough place work - totally inappropriate.  Glad that you are in a much more supportive team now. Thanks for sharing & stay safe.

I agree that launches, opening nights, presales etc are pretty much on the same stress curve.  My last Theatre gig didn't really have an off season either.  In ticketing we were either coordinating the 16 opening nights (overlapping 8 week lead time), building the new season, or building up-sells for the current season.  Different departments had different timings though.  We are closing in on our gala season though here so it's development's turn for the emotional support cheer squad.

Hey All,

Time for conference again.

I'm excited! But also already completely overwhelmed.

Among other things, I just found out that I'm probably going to be the only person from my organization attending this year.

That hits me as an anxiety double-whammy, because on the one hand, I'm going to be by myself in a strange city surrounded by hundreds of my closest strangers. Then on the other hand, there's also the anxiety of trying to hit all the important sessions without being able to spread everything out among my team members.

This comes on the heals of my "work-spouse" Almarie, who attended conference with me last year, leaving my org suddenly.

Anyone else feeling stressed about conference? Feeling overwhelmed? Feeling alone?

I would love any advise about how to conquer TLCC with a team of one.

Thanks,

Shelly

Hey Shelly,

I feel your pain.  I'm also solo again this year and while I'm a bit better at managing my depression and anxiety than last year there will definitely be pretty hairy times.  I also get a big laundry list of things people back home want to hear about. The debrief presentation when you get home can be a mini conference in itself.  Last year I blocked out a mini Google slideshow each night to help me dump down the days learning. 

Don and the Community Team have added some great white space and quiet tables as a party of their DEAI (Diversity, Equity, Accessibility & Inclusion) which is worth calling out https://tlcc2019.tessituranetwork.com/accessibility--inclusion

Also sing out if you feel the panic coming on.  I've got a personal policy that I've shared at work - if ever anyone in the team is at breaking point (mad/sad/whatever) then I'll drop everything for 30mins and we go for a walk and vent (I listen). I'm open to extending that to anyone at the conference as well.  I get almost no learning/work done when I'm getting crushed by depression &/or anxiety and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone.

I just did a TNInspire on this for the ANZTRUC conference over here that grew out of this conversation last year and it was so worth it for me. I was just chatting to Chelsea on FB about it (now that she's no longer with a TN org).

Just so you know I'll be on your team - it's never just one.

Cheers,

Heath

And then I cry at work because of the love and support in this network of amazing people. I second what Heath says Shelly. If you need a shoulder, an ear, someone to sit with at breakfast/lunch/dinner to talk to about things other than TLCC or Tessitura....I'm here for you. You are never alone.

Hey Shelly,

Don't overwhelm yourself. You are only one person and you can only absorb so much information. Take your time. If you need a break, take one. If you just can't do another session, don't. Self-care is just as important at TLCC as is attending sessions and networking. Look for friends you know and see what sessions they are attending. Ask them if they'd mind sharing their notes with you and maybe debriefing about the session over a meal at TLCC. If you need a hug, there are lots of database nerd summer camp friends willing and ready to give you one (I love good hugs), just ask. One thing that is a change this year is session length. They are going down to 60 minutes instead of 75. That might also help as there will be less people presenting per session so not as much information coming at you. Like Heath said, it's never just one. You've got thousands of friends (some you don't even know yet) waiting to help you succeed at TLCC. Hugs from your new friend from Las Vegas.

Thank you, Heath and Christopher! I appreciate both your support and your advice.

Chris, I see you knit (but only scarves). Me too! (though I got really ambitious last year and knit a hat). That is very good stress reliever. It's like a fidget cube, but you get to make someones day at the end by giving them a handmade scarf! I'll have to remember to bring my knitting to conference.

Heath, can you tell me more about what you do each night with the Google slides? Is it essentially getting a jump-start on your presentation for the people back home? 

Getting my notes together meaningfully was the hardest part of conference last year (last year was my first TLCC). I basically came home, still high as a kite on conference adrenaline, immediately tried to make a giant presentation detailing everything from conference (including notes from sessions my team members attended), had a mental breakdown, and never gave my big presentation. Thankfully, the notes still came in handy throughout the year (topics would come up and I would say, Hey! I have some great notes from Conference on that!).

I'm definitely going to learn from last year's mistakes. Having a strategy going in for how to process all this content is vital. Having an "extraction" plan for getting out of conference and introducing me back into the real world in stages will also be important.

Shelly, you're definitely not alone. I'm feeling totally overwhelmed by the prospect of attending my first conference ever after moving across the country, and am hoping I can manage my depression and anxiety through it.

I can say that as someone who often begged for information from the conference at my previous organization, just be upfront about the information you think you can gather. If sitting in on a particular session will increase your anxiety, you don't have to do it. People will understand -- plus there are lots of us attending, and we can share notes and thoughts even after the conference is over. We've definitely got your back!

Hi Shelly, 

I've been to the conference alone myself. I switch off attendance years with other colleagues so now its only me on the years that I go. Last year was my second conference and my first on my own. I completely get feeling overwhelmed. Especially as, despite what it might seem if you met me in person, I am actually pretty shy. Feeling overwhelmed is twofold for me--and it started even before I got to the conference.

First, the idea that I needed to see as much as I could, cover as many topics as I could so I would bring back all this knowledge. I finally had to admit that if I went to sessions not in my field, just to bring back information, I wasn't being effective, because I didn't know what information was the "right" information. I couldn't contextualize it for my colleagues back home. I made the conscious decision that I would go to the sessions that directly impacted me and my work, and really allow myself to dig into those. That helped get me feeling less overwhelmed from the career side of things. 

Harder for me is going against my personality, who is really the girl who just wants to be curled up in a comfy chair reading a book, or watching a British Mystery series on tv (Midsomer Murders, anyone?). Over many years I've developed a facade which makes me (I hope) seem friendly, approachable, chatty, etc. etc. but it's exhausting and when you are on the company's dime it's hard to convince yourself to take time for yourself. Networking nights are hardest, when its post-session chatting, or breakfast etc. I can rely on the topics at hand to help me talk but when its networking, and talking about me, as a person, oh heck no. 

My point in all this is don't be like me...take time for yourself, and its ok to be a little selfish about the knowledge you seek out while you are there. Bringing back contextualized, thought out information with ideas and action items in the long run will be more useful to the Symphony. 

Reach out and talk to people at the conference, anyone on this thread will be happy to grab a coffee I am sure. PM if you'd like and I'll give you my cell if you need a life line not at the conference. (That goes for anyone). I can be a good listener.

Most of all have fun, all of you. I hope I will see you next year at TLCC2020

Cheers, 

Michaela