Hi all,
Just wanted to follow on from Chelsea Kauffman's great TLCC2018 forum thread. Living with anxiety and depression can be a difficult ask especially when we are under the intense pressures we get in the arts world such as Presales, Opening Nights and the holiday season. If you have a story you'd like to share, or just some comradery, feel free to share below.
I'll quote Chelsea (hope that's OK) as she said it better than I can.
"So how do you handle being a professional and having a mental illness? How do you cope with insecurities, anxieties, depression, and fear without destroying your team’s confidence in you or without throwing in the towel?
Tell me your story. How do you survive? How do you manage?
I just want to know I’m not alone and that there is a bright future and that I’m doing okay."
I'm our organisations Ticketing, Data Analysis and Tessitura Admin departments so there never seems to be an off season for me.
Chookas (as we say in Oz),
Heath
That's very true. Running at less than 100% is important for innovation and growth. Downtime is really team growth and consolidation time that is very beneficial for the business.
Destigmatising is the most important work to do with regards to metal health wellness. Being able to be open at work and home is a great start for people to look out for you and ask for help.
Working with depression and anxiety can be difficult. Exercise is universally acknowledged as important in their management. I was running 20 mins daily at work when I was at peak anxiety and it helped refocus when I was in those stages of being unable to hold a thought. It is also a good way of getting rid of that extra energy. It's equally good for mood management when you have depression but building up the motivation can be difficult when you're depressed. Therapy helped a lot with depression and asking around is the best way to get a good therapist. Matt Haig's book "Reasons to Stay Alive" is a great read - quite biographical on his struggles.
Super important is having coverage in your role. I'm Tess admin, Data Analysis and the Ticketing Department at work. We are a small organisation and I'm the only one here that has the skills and knowledge of my role in the organisation. So taking time off without being oncall is a difficult balancing act and can't be for any extended amount of time. Also the breadth of my role means that a lot of the time I'm working long hours at 100%. Having an open communication with my boss is the only way that we can grow the role to suit the business needs without killing me in the process.
I am finding that it's not an easy task to remove the stigma associated with mental illness. Or even, to have some compassion for those that do struggle with it. We don't treat it like a broken bone or a car accident. People get judgmental. They start to overload you with advice instead of listening or understanding.
That is why I am so grateful for this conversation because I know that I will find ways to treat my mental illness, but my disorder is much like my shadow; it's always there. And sometimes that shadows follows my every move. And sometimes I capture that shadow and I'm the boss. When people find out about my disorder, they start to make judgments (whether good or bad) and then they start to change their words or actions. Whether it's through constant advice, or "just be happy", or even on a professional level, how can leadership make sure I'm still professional enough...
One of the best resources that the Arts Wellbeing Collective provided on their website is how to communicate to leadership about what's going (and vice versa).
Another difficult task is making sure that as we attempt to remove the judgments and stigma is to really truly try to comprehend and have compassion for what these disorders all mean. What is depression? What is bipolar disorder? It's not just someone going through stress. It's a chemical imbalance that is sometimes fed by experiences.
Moreover, I couldn't believe the amount of support I received from the Tessitura community. Though I know how difficult it can be to go through what it is we go through, I am comforted to know I am not alone. It's such a welcome relief knowing that I can speak honestly and openly (as much I choose to disclose).
And here I am.
How do I manage? Sometimes I fake it til I make it. And what is making it exactly? Not sure. I think I'll know when I see it. It's tough because I know my life is pretty good right now from the outside looking in. And I am incredibly happy with the progress I've made. But something is still always there. And right now, I do my best. And sometimes my best is 100% and sometimes it's 13%.
But ultimately, I know that I'm okay if I haven't completely given up. I also make sure to have a few cheerleaders in my corner. And sometimes those cheerleaders just keep quiet because when you're in the deep end you sometimes don't listen to the advice of the lifeguard. And sometimes you just gotta get yourself a lifeguard. I have a hard time asking for help or reaching out because I always felt like I failed or that I was weak and that it was something that I had to fix alone. But I am not alone.
On another note...
Every year I do a personal fundraiser for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. They also host a walk called ‘Out of the Darkness’ on September 15, in Liberty Park. I will be walking again this year and would be grateful to have anyone who might be interested in finding a walk near you or donating to the cause.
Here is a link to my page: https://afsp.donordrive.com/participant/1613336
Well said, Chelsea! I agree that 'making it' is very much an know it when I see it. :)