On top of the fact that I work for a symphony, I am a database administrator - a role rarely carried by black females. Every time I struggle to figure something out (like tonight) I feel the weight of that inner monologue that says 'maybe I am just a diversity hire' ... 'maybe they only hired me to meet the DEI goals.' **we are self-hosted** so I struggle often. I randomly decided to watch the movie "Late Night" this evening and so many lines in that movie speak to what I feel so often.
Anyway, I'd like to know what roles you guys carry at your organizations.
Ashley Elliott
Database Administrator
St. Louis Symphony Orchestra
314-286-4198
ashleye@slso.org
Hi Ashley!
As a black female that worked as the database and systems administrator for a Symphony (self hosted) over 18 years (12 years on Tessitura)., I can definitely relate to the inner monologue and the damage it can do to your self esteem. Although I do not know you, I believe you were hired for your skills and experience as most non-profits cannot afford to fill positions with individuals without the required skills. So, don't let the voice get you down. I now have 4.5 years as a technical consultant for Tessitura and although my inner voice still likes to interject commentary, the conversation is no longer one way. Sometimes I just need to put the voice in her place.
Jackie Guy
Thank you so much! You are right. I look forward to getting to a point when I can speak back to those harmful thoughts with facts like these. Until then I may revisit this post to re-read you words every so often.
Thank you.
Ashley
Sometimes an external voice is the vaccine you need to hold off the negative thoughts in those vulnerable moments caused by lack of sleep and stress. I will inbox you my details if you ever need to chat.
Have a GREAT day!
Jackie