Rest is important to everyone, but it’s vital for neurodivergent people for a lot of reasons. In a world that is not set up for us, our battery can run down faster, our natural coping mechanisms might be unwelcome, and our support and recovery methods are often not understood.[1]
In both neurodivergent and chronic illness circles, “spoons” are used as a metaphor for how much energy you have to get through the day vs how much energy is required to complete daily tasks.[8] Once you have no more spoons (available energy), it can become nearly impossible to complete even simple tasks. I also like to think of it as a big battery that’s gradually depleting as you complete tasks and encounter stressors throughout your day. You might start out your day with a full battery but find yourself nearly drained after that big two-hour meeting.
So how do we refill that battery and get back all our spoons? You might think that a good night's sleep is all you need, but then wake up in the morning feeling more drained than ever. The reason for this could be that you are not resting the part of you that is depleted. If your car’s battery is dead, adding gasoline to the tank isn’t enough to make it go again; likewise, the right kind of rest is needed to fully fuel your day.
Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith in her book Sacred Rest explains how when she was experiencing early stages of burnout earlier in her career,
“I got to a place where I really felt like, I can’t sleep any better…[and] I was still tired,” she says. “Honestly, it really was depressing, because it’s like, OK, I’m doing what everybody says I should do to feel energised, and I simply do not… so if sleep is not solving my fatigue, then what kind of fatigue do I have? There’s something else that’s not being identified.”[4]
Through her research she came to the conclusion that sleep and rest are not synonymous and that humans need seven different types of rest in order to function well and grow:
Taking care of yourself is vital, especially for those of us that put others first. As the Black Dog Institute says:
Self-care is an important part of daily life. It is often the first thing that gets sacrificed when life is busy and stressful, and people often think that taking time for themselves seems indulgent. But looking after your own wellbeing will help you get through challenging times and will help you to better care for others.[6]
It may seem a lot easier to give up self-support before helping others but that is a slippery slope. Just like a fire-fighter or medic does their best work when they are fit and well. The same is true for the rest of us that feel guilty about resting when we’d like to help others.
That said, it’s not always easy to recognize when we need self-care. Alexithymia [3] is a broad term for having difficulty expressing and identifying your emotions, and it’s fairly common in the Neurodivergent population. That can mean that we miss the signs that we need rest or that we can ignore that need.
So, what can you do to identify and properly address your self-care needs? If you are having trouble identifying where your troubled rest is located, Dr. Dalton-Smith has a rest quiz[7] that can help you narrow it down.
Additionally, the Black Dog Institute [6] has a simple pdf that includes two templates to help you identify your needs, review your coping strategies, and remove unhelpful or negative ones and replace them with positive ones.
Template 1 helps you review each of the 7 areas of rest you might want to focus on, evaluate what you are doing now, and make a plan for what to try differently.
Template 2 walks you through creating a personalised self-care plan, including a daily plan, a list of 3 coping mechanisms, and your emergency plan for when things sneak up on you.
And if you are still struggling with ideas about getting rest in that part of your life, check out these great resources: [1][2][5]
Rest well, everyone!
Heath and Shelly
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[1] Rest is a fine medicine | The Art of Autism Martine Mussies, the Art of Autism (2023)
[2] Why You're Always Exhausted Jess Massey, Hussle Safely (Sept 23)
[3] Alexithymia: Causes, Symptoms, and Treatments Healthline, Kristeen Cherney, PhD (2021)
[4] Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith
[5] How This Rest Expert Gets a Good Night's Sleep, Sets Boundaries, and Stays Healthy Healthline, Jesse Sposato, PhD (2021)
[6] Importance of self-care planning | Black Dog Institute Black Dog Institute,
[7] Rest Quiz Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith (2023)
[8] Spoon Theory for Autism and ADHD Megan Ann Neff, Neurodivergent Insights (2022)